Trick Baby

This is an older post from my personal blog. I have received requests to keep access to this due to the struggle mothers and families face with colic. I hope this post finds you momma, encourages you, and brings you to your knees as your storm rages on. My son is now almost two years old and I can whole heartedly say, the days in this post are long gone. Not forgotten, yet beautiful memories in the journey of motherhood. Every season of motherhood holds difficulties of varying degrees. I am thankful to be done with this season and I pray my next child (not pregnant, just hopeful for when the day comes again) does not have the issues my first born did.

What's a trick baby?

Well, I saw a post once on social media and it was spot on. A trick baby is one that makes you think you have this parenting thing figured out. You read all the books and you tossed them because YOU don't need them. Your baby naps on their own. No issues with feeding. Sleeps through the night without any sort of sleep training, or minimal sleep training. Your baby cries and you narrow it down, because he only cries when he's either dirty, hungry, or tired. You got this parenting thing figured out. A trick baby "tricks" you into thinking you can totally handle 10 of these little people and should have another one quickly. Then baby #2 arrives and you realize just how deceiving trick baby was, as baby #2 never sleeps, has colic, has to be rocked to sleep and screams for no apparent reason. Baby #2, the real baby, snaps you out of the illusion of "parenting is easy."

I did not get a trick baby...

Nope. No tricks here. In fact, it may be wait quite a while before even thinking of another sleep sucker.

Before I go any farther, I love my son. He is one of the greatest blessings I have ever had. I love being his mom. I can't stand to be away from him. He's perfect in every way. But... he has been hard.

I'll start by telling you my previous baby experience. I'll do it in bullet point format for ease of reading.

• babies poop, pee, and cry

•kiss sleep goodbye

Ok. That's it. That's all I knew going into it. So, when my precious bundle was born insert panic. "Ummm... Nurse. You gonna change his diaper? Or do I?" Because I don't really know how at this point. Yeah sure. We played games at my showers with stiff baby dolls, but this thing wiggles. And let's not forget his poop. This tar stuff caked to his tiny tushy.... Oh crap. Literally. "What do I do? How do you get this off? Oh my gosh it's on my finger... Is he, oh no he's peeing on the wall... Now what?!" Yup. That was me.

So here I am home, with this helpless little life depending on me. This tiny human I am weirdly in love with yet have no idea what to do... Well the first two weeks were pretty normal in newborn world. Exhaustion. Pee in my hair. Spit up on my shirt. Large mesh panties on my butt. We had a lab test scare and had to race to children's hospital only to find out he is just a mustard packet (jaundiced) and it will clear up soon. But, it was us learning how to care for this crying bundle. Week 3... the storm hit.

See I had heard of this thing called Colic, but until you experience it, you truly do not know what it means.... Parents who have been through it just know what that five letter word entails. Screaming. Like clockwork. Same time, every day, no matter what you did. Well I did not realize my little rascal had colic. Because at one point he cried 24 hours straight until he passed out from exhaustion in my arms. I remember looking at my husband in utter panic, "ADAM! Somethings wrong!! He isn't crying, he will not wake up!" To which he responded, very calmly- "no, I think he wore himself to complete exhaustion honey."

Well upon googling, what would we do without the internet these days, I started to wonder if my bundle of screaming had silent reflux. Well daggum if a Zantac prescription didn't help with the screaming. Once he was on Zantac, the crying had "times." Every day from 930a-230p, and again from 630p-11p. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY CHILD!?" As other friends with recent newborns tell me, "I just love being a mom, I can read into his cries, and am learning my baby's needs...." My thoughts, "oh yeah??! What if he cries all the time?? What does that mean? I just have a jerk baby??"

Two-month pediatrician /first shot appointment came around... after weeks of crying, and exhaustion. Pediatrician walked in, asked about Ben. He proceeds to tell me this chunky baby is healthy and wonderful. Insert numerous "my child won't stop crying" questions. Pediatrician looks at me, let us call him Bob, and says, "your kid has colic." My first thoughts, "whatever you jerk, you just do not want to find the real problem. My kid doesn't have colic." But as Bob continued to explain colic...Woah. My kid has COLIC! Bob continues to explain how it passes anywhere from 3-5 months. "WHAT!!? I cannot go on one more day man! Do you not see the desperation in my eyes for you to fix my child!?" "I am going to die." "Lord help us all." "WHY ME?!" thoughts all raced through my head when he gave me the time line. I left that office livid. I hate Bob, he is a horrible pediatrician. When the truth was, I just needed to be mad. Mad at someone. "Lord, you must think I am some kind of strong and a good woman to give me this kind of baby." Well the next month of my maternity leave passed by very quickly. It was all a blur. Week 12 of my littlest loves' life was the absolute worst. As I sat up from 2am on rocking my child in a recliner trying to stop the crying, and going to work the next day. My first day back to work I had been up since 235am soothing my child. I thought to myself, "I CANNOT do this."

As I returned to work, insert mother in law coming to help again, she was gone for a brief bit helping sister-in-law with her newborn kiddo. My mom-in-law would tell me when I got back from work, "he was wonderful, no tears. everything was great." Then I would nurse my boy and BAM! Screaming. Nurse sessions almost always resulted in absolute cry sessions. Three days passed before I was worn to pieces. I pump, hand my husband a bottle, and tell him, " I am going to bed, kid is yours." As I sit in the bathroom hysterically crying, I pray. "God, show me what to do." Shortly after my head hits the pillow I pass out. Dead to the world. My husband sheepishly wakes me, holding my tiny love. Being certain that it must have been a horrible night on my hubby I ask, "how was he?" "Well... he just woke up..." "WHAT??!" It was 630am! My kid slept through the night!??? No way. So, I grounded my rascal from the boob. And the next 2 months consisted of no more screaming and a bit better sleep (not up from 230a on soothing my child as he screamed bloody murder). I became an exclusive pumper for the next two months. Occasionally trying him at the breast, hoping things had improved. NOPE! When Ben was 5.5 months old he finally could come back to the breast and not have serious pain after nursing.

See my kid had lip tie. And he gulped when he nursed. Which resulted in him overeating and nursing constantly. My first day back at work I could barely make the 2.5 hour mark and pumped 48 oz in the 8 hours period!! Ben's constant nursing and poor latching resulted in me becoming an overproducer which just made it worse!!

So here we are 6.5 months, Christmas two weeks away and I can finally say, "it does get better!" Everyone who said that to me in the time, "line up, let me punch you." Because every day felt like eternity. But now, being on the other side of the madness, I can honestly say, it went fast and it is so much better now!

My Ben Ben still sucks at sleeping. Still is extremely strong willed, stubborn, bratty ... whatever you want to call it. He still screams to get his way with his mommy. He still gives me a run for my money and some days I think "I just can't do this... I am so so tired God." But looking back, I remember screaming at God for help. Asking Him where He was!? ANGER RAGING through my body as the enemy of comparison showed up. "WHY does she have an easier baby? Why does my baby scream all the time? Why can't I have that?" But NOW, being on the other side of it all, thank you God. Someday, somehow, I will help a young mother. Maybe my best friend? Maybe my own daughter or daughter in law? I can honestly say, I get it. When you think, you cannot go on and you are begging the Holy Spirit for super natural energy because if you drink any caffeine your child screams louder and sleeps less...Thinking to yourself "4 hours of broken sleep, that's all I need to make it through work tomorrow..." I get it.

So, lady who is reading this, if you have gone through a struggle, it is never in vain. Wait for God to use it, He will. If you are going through a similar situation, my advice--- HEAD DOWN, KNEES ON FLOOR, AND TAKE this storm. It is hard. IT will shake you. But persevere woman of God. "...because you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance." James 1:3 and He will not give you more than you can handle. Believe me when I say, I have thought numerous times to myself, "God, YOU MUST THINK I AM STRONG."